


How Art Thou Mine

by fandomdough



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Communication, Developing Relationship, M/M, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-24 17:43:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9776876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomdough/pseuds/fandomdough
Summary: They've arrived at a surprising point: Alec is ready but Magnus is not. Magnus slows Alec down and bares his soul in the process.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Re-imagining of the dissatisfying Malec scene in 2x07, because Magnus deserves so much more.

Magnus finds himself so caught up with the intensity of Alec’s intentions that before he can recover, Alec pushes closer into his space. A thrill runs through him, a delicious distraction. There’s no denying that he wants Alec in this way.

However, he’s not even close to being ready for this. Even if Alec’s ready and raring to go, he’s not.

His right hand taps against Alec’s chest, where the heart lies, to stop Alec physically and—more importantly—mentally. And Alec, dear Alec, looks to him for understanding, eyes wide with confusion but bright and full of desire, heart thudding with unrestrained excitement under his palm. His own heart responds in turn, his breath quickens, and his magic is on full alert.

“Alec,” he says, certain but uncertain. “I may have a lot of experience with sex and physical intimacy, but what I feel for you, what we have, our relationship; they’re rare for me. And believe it or not, I can still be afraid of where this next step might take us. And,” he closes his eyes, takes a measured breath, and opens his eyes. “I am afraid.”

“Afraid?” Alec leans into Magnus’ hand, testing the resistance. “If this is about—”

“It has nothing,” Magnus nudges back, tapping his fingers on Alec’s chest to emphasize his words, “nothing to do with your inexperience; enthusiasm and consent go a very long way. But I’m afraid of what might change between us. What we have now is amazing and fantastic and countless other words in countless other languages, and I’m afraid of losing that. I’m afraid,” he swallows his nerves and reminds himself to breathe, “of losing you.”

“That’s silly.” Alec grins and tries leaning forward again. “You’re not going to lose me.”

Magnus refuses to give in. “Is it silly?” He weighs his next words. They might be the wrong words to say to Alec, but they feel like the right ones for this situation. “It’s happened before.”

Alec takes in a sharp breath and steps back, severing their physical connection. “Did you—” hangs in the air between them when he cuts his query short and falls silent, eyes downcast and brooding, jaw clenched, attempting to hide his pain as he processes.

The silence stretches and Magnus almost wants to take his words back, wants to take Alec back into his arms, but he doesn’t. Those were the right words.

Another stretch of silence and Alec takes cautious steps forward, lifting his head up to match Magnus’ gaze, taking Magnus’ hands into his. He licks his lips a few times before he speaks, remnants of pain lingering in his expression. “Tell me about—about before.”

Magnus untangles their hands and cups Alec’s face, pulls Alec closer. Tears blur his vision but they don’t fall yet and he’s thankful. He’s so thankful.

One soft, trembling kiss and then he tugs Alec toward their bedroom. “Come, let us be comfortable.”

\---

In their bed, Magnus finds himself nestled in the crook of Alec's entire body like he has always belonged there. Cocktails have made their way into his hands; he sips them for their familiarity and for the rare face that Alec makes at their taste. Alec’s hands can’t seem to stop touching and roaming all over his body in gentle reassurance as he recounts the past that has shaped who he has become.

Some memories have never been told. They had still been too fresh, too painful for him to share when he had found himself comfortable enough to open up. He can still close his tear-filled eyes and see their retreating backs, hear his own cries of anguish, and feel the almost-muted stings of rejection. Despite the time that has passed, they remain so easy to dredge up. However, he can remind himself now that they are all in the past.

He's here in the present with Alec. It’s where he wants to be.

A sigh escapes him at the end of another memory and another cocktail. He’s exhausted yet full to the brim with bliss as Alec presses another kiss to the top of his head. Their future may be unknown but maybe this could be his forever.

One of the roaming hands wiggles against his skin. He throws Alec a mischievous grin before snapping away his glass. Alec scoffs with quiet laughter and allows himself to be sprawled onto his back. Magnus straddles him and leans down. He pours forth his emotions into a single exquisite kiss: anguish, frustration, gratitude, hope, and love. And for the countless time that night, Magnus finds himself crying again, but they're tears of utter happiness.


End file.
